Life-love-alone?

Dear Dubois,

The silents is killing me. His sweet voice, his sweet lips, I love and I miss.
I miss you. I fucking miss you. What do I say now? Did I wish upon this? Did I do this?
Something about you felt different. I wanted to be the one. But how could I be the one if you tried to mold me to be someone I'm not? You didn't accept  me. I had life. I have purpose.
But that wasn't enough. It wasn't enough that I loved you though all your judgments.
It wasn't enough, I listen and cared.
But was I wrong alone the way? Where did I go wrong? Was I wrong for being scared?
Was I wrong for not knowing the truth? Or not telling you the truth? But how can I tell you something, that I did not know.
I cried today. It was hard to think today. I wanted to cry with him. Just take him into my bosom and rest his head there. To show my true compassion for him. That is how I show my love.
Not by fancy words nor the fancy ways I move my hand as I talk.
But by the way I move my hand across your face, as I bend you down to kiss your face.
Telling you, you're mine, I adore you.
Want to show you I care, if you want my love anymore.
Why throw away such a priceless love. A love we both knew was real from the beginning.
A love, a crush maybe, but a big one it must have been.
For I was head over hills the first and only time we met.
Dubois, what I'm trying to say is, what do I do now?
How can a love that started so fast but end so quickly?
Why can't the ride last a little longer? Why could had the kiss been a little sweeter? Instead bitter?
Why be bitter through love? Why give up?
Did I give up?
Or was I scared?
I remembered being so nervous giving him a blanket. Being so nervous that the man I was falling for was right in my room.
That I touched him.
That I kissed him.
I touched his warm face. Brushed my lips on his lips. His lips, unforgettable.
He was unforgettable. But I think he forgot about me...already.
For my lips weren't the right lips. My body wasn't the right body.
It wasn't his perfect. I wasn't his perfect.
What the hell is perfect?
It's a image of an imaginary figure, you want to call human and pretend it exist.
But I exist.
I'm real and I'm here now, right now.
But I guess for some, that will never be good enough.
However, I know that I am good enough. I am real therefore my love is real.
Will I leave this love behind? I don't want to. But I can't wait here. I can't wait here, alone.
He wants alone. So I'll grant him his wish.
For I will move on. Far away from him. Never to be seen again., just as he wish.

love, emmy