I just feel silly

I just feel silly now that I'm with out you.
You know that feeling when you feel you like someone more then they like you?
I think about you everyday.
You're doing so much better then I am at this.
You know, the pretenting that I am not crazy about you.
Pretenting that I don't wait for your call back just to get disappointed.
Pretenting that I'm not deeply in love with you.
Freaking that I'm alright that I can't held you.
Liking the fact that I can't kiss you.
Only dreaming of kissing your lips again.
Wishing I was in your arms.
Hoping that you were here with me.
But knowing you don't want to be.
Now sitting here alone again.
Still in love with you.
With the feeling still new in my heart.
It won't leave me alone.
It still hangs in there.
For the moment we are back together.
But then I feel silly.
Because I know I am the only one that feels that way.
How do I know?
From the moment you told me "I'm not in love with you"
Those hurtful words.
Why am I still sitting on those?
Why can't I just let it go?
I had a great day.
Many to be exact.
But I just can't shake it.
I'm strong in the morning but weak at night.
It's that feeling when someone doesn't love you back
And you're forced to let them go.
For the sake of your own sanity.
I miss making love.
I miss holding hands.
I miss the physical part.
Now I'm lucky if I caught his attention.
I hate this feeling.
Of feeling hopeless.
Hopelessly in love.
Some how I always end up on this side of the table.
It's never the winning side.
The side of happiness.
With the lover. The friend.
The one who is the happiness to see you.
Becasue I am the happiest to see them.
I just want to text him saying "I'm thinking of you"
But can I?
Or is sharing feelings not alone?
Why do I always end up alone?