I just feel silly

I just feel silly now that I'm with out you.
You know that feeling when you feel you like someone more then they like you?
I think about you everyday.
You're doing so much better then I am at this.
You know, the pretenting that I am not crazy about you.
Pretenting that I don't wait for your call back just to get disappointed.
Pretenting that I'm not deeply in love with you.
Freaking that I'm alright that I can't held you.
Liking the fact that I can't kiss you.
Only dreaming of kissing your lips again.
Wishing I was in your arms.
Hoping that you were here with me.
But knowing you don't want to be.
Now sitting here alone again.
Still in love with you.
With the feeling still new in my heart.
It won't leave me alone.
It still hangs in there.
For the moment we are back together.
But then I feel silly.
Because I know I am the only one that feels that way.
How do I know?
From the moment you told me "I'm not in love with you"
Those hurtful words.
Why am I still sitting on those?
Why can't I just let it go?
I had a great day.
Many to be exact.
But I just can't shake it.
I'm strong in the morning but weak at night.
It's that feeling when someone doesn't love you back
And you're forced to let them go.
For the sake of your own sanity.
I miss making love.
I miss holding hands.
I miss the physical part.
Now I'm lucky if I caught his attention.
I hate this feeling.
Of feeling hopeless.
Hopelessly in love.
Some how I always end up on this side of the table.
It's never the winning side.
The side of happiness.
With the lover. The friend.
The one who is the happiness to see you.
Becasue I am the happiest to see them.
I just want to text him saying "I'm thinking of you"
But can I?
Or is sharing feelings not alone?
Why do I always end up alone?

Practice

With everything is my life adding to my emotional stress I ask myself
"What is the underlining thing that is brothering my heart?". Wait on God and the thing you want will come 10x better!

Destiny's Child- I'm A survivor (with pics)

Thank  you all for your support over these hard couple of years. NOW LETS PARTY!!!!!!!!!!

10 Great Bible Scriptures for Comfort.

Jeremiah 29:11 - Comforting Scripture- God has a plan for your future

'For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.

Isaiah 41:10 - Scripture about giving all your problems to God

'Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.'

Revelation 21:4 - God will wipe away every tear!

and He shall wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there shall no longer be any death; there shall no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away."

Philippians 4:6-8- Comfort Scripture on Anxiety

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, let your mind dwell on these things.

Matthew 11:28-30 - Great Bible Verse for comfort in the hands of Jesus

"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. "Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart; and you shall find rest for your souls. "For My yoke is easy, and My load is light."

Zephaniah 3:17 - Bible Scripture about God's love

"The LORD your God is in your midst, A victorious warrior. He will exult over you with joy, He will be quiet in His love, He will rejoice over you with shouts of joy.

Jeremiah 17:7-8 - Great Comforting Scripture Verse on Trust

"Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD And whose trust is the LORD. "For he will be like a tree planted by the water, That extends its roots by a stream And will not fear when the heat comes; But its leaves will be green, And it will not be anxious in a year of drought Nor cease to yield fruit.

Psalm 23:4 - Comfort even as we approach death

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil; for Thou art with me; Thy rod and Thy staff, they comfort me.

Colossians 3:2-4 - Comforting Scripture about Heaven

Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is our life, is revealed, then you also will be revealed with Him in glory.

Isaiah 40:29 - Bible Verse to give us Strength

He gives strength to the weary, And to him who lacks might He increases power.

I pray these Bible Scriptures were comforting to you today .

New Love of my Life!

New Love of my life!
Yes, Yes I do have a new love of my life!
It's with me!
Yes Me!
God spoke to me yesterday. Last night to be exact.
He spoke to me words that was for only for me to hear.
Words that were comforing and safe,
Reasuring and grand!
I loved he indeed.
Indeed, I do, I do.
Because he loved me first.
He always saw the potential in me and what I was made of.
Hot steel and elbow greece!
With him I will stand. With him I will do all things.
I have a mission. Well, it's more then a mission.
A purpose, a p I made to a little boy before I know I was having a boy.
Only God and I knows what I said that day.
I remember it like it was yesterday.
The day was sunny and my heart raced, with the fear of uncertiant surrounding me.
Yet, I wasn't afaired. I know better. I know there was something coming.
Something grand and better then me.
So here I am. Years later, and have done so much!
That I am taking this moment to congradulate myself.
For all that I have done and stood up for.
I never backed down even though the odds were against me.
I stood tall. I stood for me. I stood for my son. I stood for God.
And for God I will continue to stand for.
You got it!
So what will I do with this new found love with myself?
PARTY LIKE A ROCK STAR! What else?

- Emily

All I Need Right Now is Love

So can someone just give me a hug!

I Had Enough

****This post was left UNEDITED on purpose**** (I wanted to display my truth emotions and frustration I felt at 2:37am when the devil come while I was trying to do Gods work)

I'm pretty sure others have said the same thing.
I know what my purpose is.
I have to stop watching Reality Television.
That stuff is fake with "Worldly" thoughts and views.
I don't even want to wear clothes knowing their are children without.
Clothes are just venits.
I am so tired.
I want to save my son.
I am doing the right thing while my head hurts.
My body hurts.
Tomorrow, well today, is here.
But is it worth it?
I want to help.
But I am going to be homeless in one week.
One week, all that I have worked for,
All that I have done
All the purposes I have made to my son
Are going where?
Down the fucking towel?
For who? For what reason?
Yeah, I can sit here and kill myself.
That's so easy.
That's so possibleable
Then what?
What will happen?
Who will win from my death?
Will breath be easier to breath?
FUCK THAT! FUCK YOU!
I am so tired.
So I am here. For the shake of my son.
I want to go back to NYC so bad,
But I know he will not befile.
He will not heal.
He can not be a prisoner in his own body
I can not be a prisoner.
And for all that I will do.
For all the things, the "Worldly things" I will give up
Will be worth it at the end. The end when I see you god.
The end when I see my son "Saying", talking to me
Saying, speaking words,
Saying I Love yous and I love you too.
He will see my struggle.
They all will see my struggle.
I will be awarded.
In my glam golden gown.
With my long hair pulled back.
Smiling knowing that I have beat the odds.
My depression, my fears, my anixyes.
My pain, my rejections, my hurts.
Ok...
I feel better.
So now, I ask you
If you want me to do your work for you lord. If you want me to heal the children with autism.
If you want me to give hope to the kids with no voice. To the scared parents who watch their babies change right in front of them. To die right in front of me.
No one believes me that my son was fine.
No one saw him before.
He told me "I love you" before he was one.
And I will hear him say it again.

I tell you now, I tell you this.
NO ONE WILL STOP ME FROM HEALING MY SON. FROM HEALING OTHER BABIES THAT WERE POISONED BY PEOPLE WHO JUST WAKE UP TO JUST GET A BIG PAYCHECK.  YES MDS, I'M TALKING TO YOU FUCKERS!

As you irone the facts and refuse to believe that you are hurting my/our children then your no better then the devil.

I will start the next genoration of doctors. I will show the way. We all have God living with us. We ALL CAN DO WHAT JESUS DID!

yes,...and that's exactly what I'll do.

.....feeling better and I think I can go back to sleep.
Good night internet world.

Ms. Emily Richardson

Inspiration for the day: Triumph

I can tell you of all the ups and downs I have been through. But do you have five hours to listen? I didn't think so! Nutshell: Through all my struggles, I'm still here and survived.  A great friend said to me "You are better than you were yesterday". God made you and I very unique with unique skills, to full fill a mission that only you can do. Meaning: You are a ROCK STAR! Now go Triumph! Do Gods work and ask for what you want. And he will deliver if it is God's will. I'm writing my list as we speak!

Why I love Cupcakes

Ok, so this post isn't about cupcakes!
Don't get me wrong. Cupcakes are my second love. (Ice Cream is 1st!)
But just looking at one makes me forget the hurt I have inside.
I have a big mouth. I am quick tempered.
I curse out whoever is standing in my way or lacking in the attention they are giving me.
But I am a lot of great things too.
I just don't want the bad things to over shadow the goods in me.
My favorite color is pink and I love all things "arts and crafts".
Going places with my son is the most fun for me.
Not because he's my son, but he refects how life should be lived.
Enjoynessly and happy.
He's happy about life its self.
Nothing more.
He's not happy because he got a new toy.
He's just happy that he is live!
I want that happness and joy.
I am a natural happy person.
But walking around with an unforgiving spirit is deadly and down for the people around you.
So God, I am asking you to help me with this jounery.
I am not depressed. I am just hurt.
Please help me forgive the ones who hurt me.
You made me differently from the rest of the world.
And for that I am VERY SPECIAL!
So please help me achieve my full potienal with you Lord.
I have been listening to your voice. I want to lead by your truths.
I need your help because I was not succeeful with out you before.
Help me not to hurt the ones that love me most.
Help me to be a great example to my only child.
I want to be a better person.
Help me be a better person.

-amen

Ms. Richardson

Good bye Dubois, I will always love you.

Good bye Dubois.
I am holding back the tears,
for I held you by my side,
for so many years.
You were my safey blanket.
Who I held so close and so dear.
Because I lived in pain,
I lived in fear.
Fear of the world.
Fear of the future.
Uncertainties, hurt and abuse was my norm.
My everyday.
That's not me anymore.
Me, Emily!
I'm not a child. I have a child. One I take care of.
All by myself. Me! Just me!
Emily.
So it's time to let go of the pain. The hurt.
The past.
Everything that kept and keeps me down.
I must move on. I am moving on.
It's me now, Emily.
Dubois, thank you for being there.
Thank you for being the strong one and held me up.
But I realized you were only in my mind.
I was talking to myself and not to anyone else.
It was me that I was talking too.
Me, that give myself strength.
Me, that give myself power and the couragement to move on.
Me, that stood against all things.
Emily!
I need Emily. Mike needs Emily. God been waiting for Emily.
And so I will delivier. Besides, who else can do it better then me?
Exactly!
RIP Emmy Dubois.
Welcome back Emily Sen'nichi-ama Richardson.
<3

Chantal Thomass - Spring Summer 2013

More then a Pretty Face..Fashion Illustrations

Check out the fashion illustrations by Leigh Viner. http://www.leighviner.com/

 Fashion Illustration Art Print 

Marianne 

Aquarelle Paris Eiffel Tower Photography

Valentino Resort 2013 "Abstract"

CREATE: Happy 4th

OneKingsLane

Savage Beauty

Paolo Roversi

Counting Roses  

Paolo Roversi Series 3

Hence

Moulin Rouge Paris Landscape 

One Kings Lane

Maddelina

Coming clean

Dear Dubois,

He said "He loved me". He did. He did! I'm not making this up! I haven't heard those words in a century it feels like. And he meant it. With every bone in his body he meant it. I felt it. I felt compete. I felt whole. I saw the future. It was me and him. Him and I. Laying next to each other. In love. At the stage of getting to know each other, with a scent of mystery. A little bit of lust and fun. Hands holding. Love making. I dreamt of that.

Dear emmy,

So what happen my dear? Was that it? Did your dream come true? I have a feeling where you are going with this.

Dear Dubois,

Because you know me so well! I let my fear get the best of me. My anxiety kicked in and hided my insurances with my anger. Hurting others is a temporary fix for me. It lets me know "If I'm hurting, I must hurt someone else." It's over isn't? Oh man! Not another one. Not another love gone wrong (due to the anger of Ms.Emmy her self?) Am I being to hard on my self? Has all of my love been the result of my uncontrolled anger? Did I ruin all of my relationships? I am honestly not sure. All I know is that I sit here, alone. Alone, some where I always end up being.

The truth is,
I want to be loved.
But I'm scared.
So I ruin my own relationships.
So they will leave.
I think because I am so afraid of being love.
Because Love = Pain
So I get really scared when someone tells me they love me.
Cause to me, they will leave me, stop loving me one day or hurt me.
That's all love has been to me and I just can't shake it.

He loved me. And he didn't hurt me. He didn't leave me.
I hurt him.
I left him.

But I want love Dubois! How can I find love if I'm scared of it?

I think I'm lovable, but I can't find anyone that can agree with that.
I just want to ask
"Is it true? That you don't love me anymore?"
"What should I do?"
"How can I get you to love me again?"
"No one had told me that they love me in years."
"Just tell me what I should do?"
"How can I fix it?"
"How can I be confidence?"
"How can I move on from the past hurt?"
"How can I be that desirable women that men want?"
"Especially from the love I want?"

I want to change and don't know how, Dubois?
I have been living in a circle for years.
And don't know how to get out.
I'm terrified of being alone.

I feel that I have lost a part of me after I become a mom.
So I feel that I don't like myself because i have nothing to offer.
So why should anyone love me back?
How can you be in love with an entry vassal?

- a women looking for answers,
emmy

I miss you

Dear Dubois

Today was a very lonely day. I stayed to myself, avoiding all things that didn't include inside my four walls. Sister tried to cheer me up but was unsuccessful in removing my f. I didn't realize how sad I was until 6 o clock came and I was STILL sitting alone in my room, not have eatten a single bit. Many things come to mind. The lonelyness, the silents. I was very quick tempered yet very indifferent. I was down but very nord. I looked all day for some sofh of happiness, simply trying to remember what those things were. What was it about me and made me, me? I love beauty but I feel torn that it isn't good enough. That it doesn't do anything for mankind. You know? But if we didn't have art, or music, or beauty experts, this world would be a very boring place. Right? I want to help my son. He is troubled and I know how to help them. I feel like my life has been placed on hold until I "fix" him. I feel I would be selfish if I focus on anything else but him. I guess it's because I had ignored his illness early on and used beauty as a distraction. But beauty was what I loved. It's who I am. I build confidents. I create beautiful things. Man, I just want to pick up the phone and call him to tell him about it. Should I? He said he would be there if I needed him. Well, I need him now!....Don't do it. Not yet. He's too precise to drap him into your mess. Man I want nothing more then be next to your body. Your soft body. Your warm body. Like we were on the cough. That morning. When I wake up at 6am, just to seek over to you and clam into your arms as I destored your sleep. You didn't get that much sleep that day. I was to excited to know that my new love was right there in front of me. Deep breathing, trying to be my best, at everything. Trying to be the best for you.
I think it's funny that I was assaing beauty with neiging my son. I never know that I was doing that. And who said writing isn't thepiet!

When it's over: Lessons learned to late

Dear Dubois,

I don't think he wants me anymore Dubois. The phone stopped ringing and all I get are excuses and long answers. I told him too much about my life and the reasons I was hurting. But I also shared my dreams and goals. Why wasn't that enough? I know I made mistakes, but the mistake costed me everything, including any change of having a relationship with this person. Am Ill, here are the signs that I'm  not
1 He no longer says "I love you"
2. Speaking of feelings are no longer allowed.
3. When you finally get to the point of talking about feels, their short, unemotional answers. Quick, stratg to the point, and sometimes repecting when they have nothing to say because if they still felt the same way, the answers would had come out easierly like a breathe of fresh air. Not hast, scc and untouching. Their words are so rough, you could cut down trees with them!
4. When you start to feel that you feel more then they do. The moment you feel you're alone in this relationship.
5. Speaking of relationship, when the word relationship comes up, you have now entered the forbetten zone. The zone you no longer a part of.
6. When the idea of sex comes up, you are not in their day dream therefore sex is not a topic they want to have with you
7. All of a sudden they are more busy then Stat Cause of fucking Christmas Day!
8. And lastly when they put you into the Friend Zone" the killer of all possibles that a future with this person is likely to happen.

Sounds like you? Join the club! What to do next? Fuck them, cut your loses and move on. You can found someone that wants you for you, for better or worst, not only when you have your makeup on. Fucker!

-emmy

Words from the Wise!