Is death better then love?

Is death better then love?
It seems that way
At death you don't feel the pain
its not as great
yet when you die
do you really go into the skys
do you really meet god?
and tell him why you died?
Why did you died?
Was it bc of shame?
Lack of confidents?
did they love you?
I bet they did
Was that enough?
not sure if i did
death, your dirt, nothing but faults
but I feel that now
i am fealts
the world looks at me and smiles back
i look at my self and other see black
black is the color of my eyes
the color of my heart
the color when i died
you died inside
bc of me
will there be a day that you forgive me?
i guess not
i never was before
i know i wasn't ready
wasn't ready to love
bc i know my self
i know im not worthy
im nothing at all
i know that's my problem
no need to drap anyone else down with me
im messed up, that he now sees
i'm already died, that the world knows
and now i'm dead to him
and there goes my world
one pill at a time
down one oh so slow
dont want to live
i just want to go
one pill down
i'm going real slow
don't want to scream
i just want to go
i'm sorry i loved you
i'm sorry you fell for me
i made you cru
you made me breth
i saw a brand new me
 a me i taught was never there
i felt i had confident
bc you made sure i knew you cared
your love saved me
my love killed you
i can't do anything right
ill give up this fight
i will never win
bc i lost you, my stregth tonight
With you I had purpose
I had stregth
I felt like a women
Women who know who she was
I needed his love
To remine me