Friday, June 19, 2015

Have to get it out

You deleted me off FB today. Just like that. Our love is over. He told me the things I did pushed him away. But he was so selfish. The things he would do were just for him only. I loved him, I loved me dearly but I won't cry for you anymore. No, I wont. The feeling, the love, everything. I saw your potential but you wanted to do nothing. Nothing at all. Your younger brother looks after you and you act like a little boy with no guidance. I do not miss you. I can finally say that. I can finally feel that. Fashion and writing are my two most favorite passions. My passions are my favorite things now to think about. I don't have a boyfriend,  just a really nice guy I am seeing. My house, my son, my career and my hobbies are going to be the things that keep me going.
I cried over neil but now I don't want to. I cried over tony and now I don't feel I love him anymore. I don't love tony. I didn't love tony. Do I still love neil? A little, but I will get there. I will get to the point or no return. Especially when I rejoin the fit campus and the world of emily Senichiama. Emily senichiama. That is my name. The name of the billionaire which is me. I can do this. My real estate homes, my clothing line and real business and my magazine, yes , my own fashion magazine.  Fashion magaizn made of pics of street fashion, health , beauty tips and me behind the senses of fashion shows, well my own fashion shows.
Thinking hopeful again...
Wow, I am happ

Saturday, June 13, 2015

Moving on for you

It has been three whole days that I haven't seen your face. I still want to tho. I waited for him to love me in return. But that didn't happen. I wrote to him, and my feelings weren't cared about. I want to run back to him. I want for us to work. To love each other. But he doesn't want to get up. He doesn't want to leave his house. He tells me he hates the light. How can I live with someone like that? He didn't stand up for me when I was scared. He didn't want to live or share a life with me.
Why do I feel guilty for cheating on him? When I should've been a women and let him go. Bc I felt it would get but I didn't have the patients. He wouldn't sleep with me nor next to me. And the last time we had sex, I cried because I knew he wasn't into me. If I would call him right now and to hear his voice, I would cry. Because I want to spend a life with him. But his excuses for everything, for not getting off his ass got to me. I looked at him like some kind of loser. Maybe I should get him off my Facebook. It's getting to hard to see him. A contest reminder. So why do I just want to leave and see him? But when he speaks it words that bring loneliness. Not togetherness.  He wants to live on his own, he doesn't want to be a family or a father to my son.
Should I go over there, to get closer while getting pain? Johnny got his closer.
But what will come out of sewing him, saying and hearing his rejection words? I don't think I should do it. I think I should let neil go. He rejected mike, he rejected me.
So reject him.
The End.
Neil came in during a time I was lonely and deeply depressed. I'm happier now. Neil broke my heart. He said he won't change for me nor for our future. I believe he stopped loving me a long time ago. I didn't want to believe that.
I know now.
So hold your head up Senichiama. You have a new man now. A man that wants you, feed you, and love you. And be a father to mike. He's a father man. A handsome man. A caring man. Everything I was looking for for years. I think I am felling in love with him. And you know what. I think he is feeling the same thing.